Shotgun Reviews: The Stand

After a plague kills 99.4% of the human population, the survivors form two groups; one under the benevolent guidance of the 108-year-old Mother Abigail, the other led by the cruel drifter turned dictator Randall Flagg. 

·      The version I listened to was the “complete & uncut” edition.  I agree with Mr. King that a book should not be edited just to save paper and ink (the reason why the original version was cut short by 150,000 words).  However, I do have to admit that the story dragged at times.  The first and third sections were gripping but much of the second half of the middle section lagged.

·      However, I did appreciate the story’s enormous scope.  The novel begins in “modern day” America and ends in a world reshaped by supernatural forces.  A lesser storyteller would have skipped the plague and plopped us straight into Mad Max land. 

·      One of the most intriguing parts of the novel was that the characters who went over to Randall Flagg’s side weren’t serial killers and devil worshippers.  Many of them were friendly, moral human beings.  This may have been Mr. King’s way of saying that the devil has something to offer even the best of us.  They were terrified by their leader but still got things from him they would not have gotten from Mother Abigail.   
·      That being said, one of the characters who turned to Randal Flagg’s side was someone the reader (and even the heroes) saw coming a mile away.  I would have preferred more of a gradual decent into evil rather than a character who was so obviously going to turn bad.  It also seemed strange that the main characters had a sixth sense not to trust him.   

·      The Stand was surprisingly spiritual.  I would not call it Christian Fiction but God has more of a presence than I was expecting, especially in the second half.  Of course there is also a good deal of resentment toward God for allowing the plague in the first place. 

·      I was not nearly as disappointed by the ending as I was when I saw the made for TV movie.  It could very well be that I have matured since the ninth grade or that the book itself is considerably better than the TV version.  I got more story from the book than I did in the show, and I could see how the characters and the events were leading up to the climactic scene.  The novel comes off as an apocalyptic game of chess between God and the devil. 

Two Penny Saga: Mary's Strange Addiction

 My friend Tamanya suggested this first line to me.  I wrote for five minutes.  This is what I got.  (If any of you have any more suggestions for prompts please let me know.) 

 She knew she shouldn't have eaten that much glitter. But she had no idea it would turn out like this.

Adam said he taught third grade so Mary figured that was why he had a bag of rainbow glitter lying under the table on his back patio.  Mary grabbed the bag, scooped out a glob of the glitter and smeared it on her tongue.

“I hope you like red wine!”  Adam called from the kitchen. 

Mary dropped the bag under the table and turned.  Adam strode from the kitchen with that perfect smile of his.  He was the first legitimately nice guy she had ever met and-

Mary started to rise up off the picnic table.

“Shit!”  She grabbed onto the table and pulled herself down. 

“Mary!”  Adam shouted.  “Did you eat my fairy dust?”

“I thought it was glitter!” 

“Why would you eat it if you thought it was glitter?”

“I-.”  Mary stared at the deck.  “I have a problem.  Ever since I was four I’ve had this compulsive urge to eat glitter.  No one else knows about it.  You must think I’m a freak.”

“No!”  Adam sat down on the bench and took her hands.  “You’re not a freak!  I wish you’d told me about this sooner but I still love you!”

“You do!”  The happy thought shot Mary into the air.  She was a mile above the earth before she realized that she needed to suppress her happy thoughts.  “Grandma’s funeral!” she shouted.  “My parent’s divorce!  Putting down Scruffy my dog!” 

She dropped out of the sky like an anvil. 

“Adam Loves me!”  She rocketed up again.  “Putting down Scruffy!”  She started to drop. 

She went back and forth shouting “Adam Loves me….Putting down Scruffy….Adam loves me….Putting down Scruffy….” All they way down to the earth. 

What went through my head while skydiving

Yesterday morning Kimmy and I jumped out of an airplane two miles above the ground.  (Fortunately we were both attached to people who know what they were doing.)

• The absolutely most terrifying part of the experience was signing the wavers stating, "You may (and probably will) die today."
• There isn't a whole lot to the "skydiving class" before you jump.  While we were walking to the plane I was wondering "when does the class begin."
• Despite the expression on my face in photos I don't remember being all that scared when my feet  left the plane.  My senses were so overwhelmed there wasn't much of my brain left for emotion.   
• I will never appreciate a view like I did falling straight toward Ocean City. 
• My initial reaction when the parachute opened was not relief (like I assumed it would be).  I was more disappointed that the free fall was over. 
• Regardless, parachuting down was my favorite part of the experience. I especially liked having control of the chute and spinning to get a better view of the horizon. 
• The only time when I started to feel anxious was when we got closer to the ground and the fact that we were up in the air became more real.
• The landing was smoother than I thought it would be.  I was expecting a bump like when you land in a plane but we just slid right in.
• And of course the very first thing I did when we landed was look up in the air to make sure that the parachute attached to Kimmy had opened (it had).    

Two Penny Saga: Shaggy Tiger Story

 My cousin Geoffrey suggested this first line to me.  I wrote for five minutes.  This is what I got.  (If any of you have any more suggestions for prompts please let me know.) 

I never did like buttered toast. That is, until Renee backed over my cat. The cat's fine by the way. The Segway is beyond repair of course.

You should know that my cousin Pete gave me that cat.  It was a Tiger shipped all the way from Africa or maybe South America….no Africa!  And Segways should come with labels letting you know that if you run into a tiger the Segway will break and the tiger will chase you up a tree.  It took me two hours to get Renee down from the tree which was really inconvenient because we were late for the ugly baby festival (ugly baby festivals are the best kind of festivals where I come from).  We also didn’t have a Segway to get us there.  Renee and I walked halfway across town when we realized that we had left the tickets on my kitchen counter. We went over to the courthouse to buy more tickets but didn’t have any money.  Renee started singing the Star Spangled Banner hoping that someone would buy us some tickets (people are more patriotic where I come from).  Unfortunately Renee’s singing sounds like a mule in heat and all we got were tickets to the buttered toast festival.  We decided to quit while we were ahead and walked back across town.  It was at the festival that I realized that I had been spreading butter on my toast all wrong.  I had been spreading it with a knife when I should have been using duck feathers.  The duck feathers bring out the flavor in butter.  So maybe it’s a good thing they don’t put anti-tiger warning labels on segways.  You never know what you are going to learn. 

Cleaning the new house

While all of you were celebrating Memorial Day with barbeques and traffic jams, Kimmy, her family, my parents and I were hard at work cleaning the new house.

• I mowed a lawn for the first time since I worked buildings and grounds at my college.  You would think that techniological progress would have made lawn mowers easier to start up but you would be wrong
• The purpose of the employees at Lowes is the be as sarcastic and unhelpful as humanely possible.  They are exceeding quite well at this.  
• From now on when I move chairs and trash cans will be the first things to go into the new residence. 
• We have been to the house almost a dozen times and still don't have a clue which light switches do what.  
• Apparenlty I am the only person who thinks that painting the walls black and turning the house into a labyrinth with cardboard boxes would be a cool idea.   
• It's fun to store your 1000+ books on the floor of a room and then realize that we still need to shampoo the rug.  
  
• It's even more fun to shout at your parents, "Hey!  Get off my lawn!"

Two Penny Saga: Slimy Awakening

My friend Jon R suggested this first line to me.  I wrote for five minutes.  This is what I got.  (If any of you have any more suggestions for prompts please let me know.) 

Sara sat up with beads forming at her brow. Her dream was slipping as they often did - like words do in the wind. But this was different...

In her dream she had been floating through the ocean with thousands of others like her but they hadn't been human.  There had also been something else in the dream she needed to remember.  

Sara sat up in bed but when she tried to pull back the blanket she didn't have any fingers to grip it with.  All she had was a fat seaweed-colored tentacle.   

Sara screamed and thrashed back the blankets. 

"What's wrong?"  David murmured next to her. 

"Nothing!"  Sara tucked the tentacle under her.  "Just a bad dream.  Go back to sleep."

"You okay babe?"

"Everything's fine!"  Sara jumped out of bed and crashed onto the floor.  Her legs couldn't support her.

"Sara!"

"Just go back to bed, David!"  She crawled into the bathroom and kicked the door shut.

In the glow from the streetlight outside Sara could see two squirming tentacles slithering out of her pajama pant legs.  She pulled herself up onto the counter and looked into the mirror.  Her face was covered in deep green scales.

"Sara!  What's going on?" David threw the door open and turned on the lights.  He crouched down next to her.  "Oh God what happened?  Sara?"

Sara didn't respond.  She was too busy staring at the orange beak sticking out of his face.    

Post-Writers Conference thoughts

Last night I returned from the Backspace Writers' Conference in New York. 

•  The conference seemed to be designed to break you down (Agents reviewed our queries and first two pages on the first day) and then build you back up again (Workshops and time to hang out with fellow writers were on days 2 and 3).
• Next time I will save up money and just stay in the hotel.  My New York friends are fantastic but without the commute I could have gotten an extra hour of sleep every night.  Also it isn't fun trying to find your way back to the subway at 2 in the morning after hanging with fellow writers in a bar for five hours.    
• Unlike most creative writing classes, there was little of, "You must write like this" and more, "There are many ways to write.  This is how I do it."  
• Nothing makes an aspiring writer feel like a normal human being like being in a room with seventy other aspiring writers.  
• I am not the only person in the world who thinks that "write what you know" leads boring material. 
• Agents are intimidating but really do want to see you succeed. 
• Our keynote speaker Lauren Baratz-Logsted did an excellent job of pumping us up.  She truly is a lovely person. 
• My query letter and writing have improved since the last Backspace conference.