Monday, October 31, 2011

TWO PENNY SAGA: All Spiders go to Hell!

 I took a random sentence, used it as the first line in a story and wrote for five minutes. This is what I got.

I didn’t know until that moment that Nell was so afraid of Spiders. 

“What the hell!”  She screamed and threw the box at me.  It hit the floor and a spider the size of a small puppy scampered out and hid behind the couch, whimpering. 

“You hurt her!”  I said, scooping the enormous arachnid up into my arms.   

“What is that thing, Mark?”  Nell shouted with her back against the wall.  “Why is it in my birthday present?”

“It’s called a dragon spider.  I bought her off of an old man at a gas station.  I figured that since your roommate is allergic to dogs you could have her as a pet.”

“You think Rebecca would be okay with having that….thing around?”

“It’s not a thing, it’s a dragon spider.  The old man said that they’re rare and magical animals.  They’re incredibly faithful and intelligent and bring their owners good luck.”  I placed the dragon spider on the ground and she scurried around my feet, rubbing up against my legs.  “The old man said that their web can be used to cure any disease and that they can sense people who are hurt or hungry and bring them help.  He also said that there are three rules to owning a dragon spider.  The first is that you can’t let them eat after midnight.  The second is-.”

“DIE!”  Rebecca screemed and ran at the Dragon Spider with a dictionary the size of a cinder block.  The spider had just enough time to cringe in terror before she began smashing the book on top of it.  Rebecca continued to crush the animal until it was just a brown and green stain on the floor. 

When she was done, Rebecca stood up and growled, “Only one spider rule in my house.  They all go to hell!”   

Monday, October 24, 2011

Two Penny Saga: The Great Beyond

Greg closed his eyes, took a deep breath and jumped.

 He clung onto his homemade hang glider.  For a second it flew steadily through the air.  Then the frame cracked.  Greg torpedoed down to the sidewalk below.

The next thing he knew Greg was in a gray void before a man holding a long scroll.

"Hello!"  The man looked up at him.  "Probably should have chosen a smaller building?"

"I guess."  Greg tried to scratch his nose but realized he was made out of mist.   

"Well, the good news is your dead."  The man grinned.  "Now the question is what to do with you."

"Do I get to go to heaven?"

"Oh no!  You're not ready for that.  Maybe in a few more lives.  I'm afraid we're going to have to send you back.  Do you have any preferences?"

"A movie star would be nice."

The man looked through his scroll.  "Unfortunately, you didn't live the kind of life where I can justify making you a movie star.  Remember Julie?  You probably shouldn't have called off the wedding via text message.  In fact, considering your road rage you won't even be able to go back human."

"What about a bird?  I've always wanted to fly."

"Absolutely,"  the man looked over his scroll.  "Your options are ostrich, kiwi or....penguin."