JUST
TO GIVE YOU SOME BACKGROUND….
Between
December 2009 and September 2016, I worked at T. Rowe Price, an asset
management firm located in the Baltimore area.
I
joined the firm for two reasons:
a)
The recession had just happened and jobs were scarce
b)
I was looking for a job that actually ended at five so I could spend my
evenings and weekends writing.
And
the crazy thing about point "b" is that it actually worked for a
while!
I
know there’s that stereotype that you take a white-collar job and it
immediately crushes your soul. Your spirit dies and you never make art
again. However, I was CONSIDERABLY more productive during my time at T.
Rowe than I ever was when I was a student or an English teacher. In part, this is because I spent my
days working a job I had no interest in so I pushed myself to pursue what I
loved during my evenings and weekends.
Now,
when I say I had a job in the investment industry you tend to think of this guy:
First
of all, I had a much nicer computer.
Second
of all, my four positions at T. Rowe Price mostly had to do with processing
checks, forms and talking to customers on the phones.
Now,
if I had been interested in finances this would have been a great jumping off
point (for the record this post is in no way meant to disparage T. Rowe
Price). However, I had researched various jobs and career paths
throughout the company and everything I found just looked like positions where
I would be miserable.
At
last, I made a decision that no one (least of all me) saw coming.
MY
DECISION
It
was December 14, 2015 (the Monday before Force
Awakens came out). There was nothing particularly bad about the day
except that it was cold and rainy. I was working at my job as
usual, when around eleven in the morning I was overwhelmed by crushing
frustration. This had happened in the past, but on that particular Monday
the feeling became so bad I couldn't concentrate on my work. All I could
think about was that I was wasting my life. I knew what I wanted to
do. There are so many stories I want to tell, but I didn’t have the time
because I spent eight hours a day (usually more thanks to considerable overtime)
working a job I had no interest in.
I
became so frustrated that during my lunch break I called my wife and told her
(realizing it for myself as the words came out), “I need to quit my job and
spend a year focusing on my writing.” - Not an exact quote. In reality it
took me about fifteen minutes to get to this point.
To
her credit, my wife didn't immediately hang up the phone and call a divorce
lawyer.
She
was (is) incredibly supportive even though at the time this seemed like an
absolutely insane idea. Trust me, I know more than anyone else how insane
this concept seemed. I pictured myself putting us in financial
jeopardy. We would end up on the streets eating our cats. I felt
guilty for putting her in this situation.
Also
there was the, “What will people say?” factor. (In this context
"People" = "Our Parents")
However,
the longer I lived with the idea, the more I realized how much it made
sense. I’m still (relatively) young. My wife and I don’t have
kids. We’re not rich but we’re somewhat steady financially.
I’m working on a project that I honestly think could make it. While
attending conferences I have heard stories from countless published novelists
who say that they eventually reached a point where they had to make a leap like
this one. If I didn’t make this
leap now when would I?
WHAT DID PEOPLE SAY?
I
ended up practicing what I was going to tell my parents (and my wife’s parents)
by explaining the situation to two of my friends. This gave me an
opportunity to get my thoughts in order and plan out how I was going to lead
into my proposal.
While
this wasn’t our parents' favorite idea, they were surprisingly receptive.
They agreed that if I was going to pull a stunt like this, now would be the
time to do it. No bottles of
champagne were opened, but they also weren't painting pictures of us eating our
cats.
Even
my co-workers at T. Rowe Price were very encouraging, and several of my friends
are very excited that I have this opportunity.
I
am extremely lucky, not just because I am in a position where I can pursue what
I love but also because I’ve had such overwhelming support. In a way this
makes the whole situation even more intimidating. I have so many people
believing in me that I'd sure as hell better not screw this up.
SO
AM I SCREWING THIS UP?
At
the end of this past September, I walked out of T. Rowe Price for the last
time. The following Monday I started a part-time job at a nearby
library. The plan had always been for me to have a twenty-hour a week job
so I could bring some money into the house and make sure there were no
questionable time gaps in the resume.
These
past three and a half months have been extremely productive. I’ve
completed and edited what I believe to be a very strong draft of my novel, The Hitchhikers of the Night Highways,
implementing all of the feedback I received from readers the previous year.
Also, I have written several short stories and am well on my way through a
second novel (agents like to see that you have a lot of stories in you). On top of all this I have had time to
continue my research of the publishing industry. There are days when I
get more done in one twelve hour period than I got done during an entire week
while I was working at T. Rowe. Also, I am less affected by stress and I’m
exercising more.
Then
there are the other days. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I sit around
watching The Days of our Lives (if
that’s even still a thing), but the productivity just doesn’t flow. There
can be a number of reasons for this. Most recently it was because I was
working on a group of new chapters in my novel. Because of feedback I have received I realized that they are
necessary. However for a while I
just couldn’t get them to fit.
They caused changes that rippled throughout the story.
While
I was working at T. Rowe times like these would be frustrating, but I knew I
would get through them. One drawback of this year is that I am constantly
aware that I am on a ticking clock. I still have much of the year left,
but I need to get the most out of this time. And, as my wife has pointed
out, this sense that I am running out of time is only going to get worse as the
year goes on.
But
I keep on working at it every day, and the more I get done the better I
feel. When I am productive I need to cling to those times and get as much
complete as possible. When I face days where things aren't working out, I
need to learn to step back and stop banging my head on doors that just won't
open. I can spend those days focusing on other things like cleaning the
house, my short fiction, running or working on this blog. (However, when
I do post to this blog, don't worry, it doesn't mean I've had a bad day).
Honestly,
I’m grateful that I had the positions I had a T. Rowe Price. They were safe, secure jobs in an
established company. However, I’m
grateful that I can finally take this leap and pursue a path I have always
wanted to follow.
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