Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Two Penny Sagas from the past

Below are five Two Penny Sagas I wrote before starting this particular blog.

The first two had photographs for prompts.

It was just another day in Tankyo city. Flipper and Gilly were going for a swim around the tiny castle that blows bubbles, completely unaware that danger was lurking nearby.
A dark shadow fell across the watery metropolis. The fish looked up and stared in amazement and terror as an enormous orange feline face stared down at them from the dray air above.
“Look! It is Catzilla!” Flipper said with words that didn't sync with his lips. “King of all Felines!”
The fish swam as fast as they could, stampeding over one another as Catzilla lumbered through Downtown Tankyo breathing fire and gobbling up guppies by the mouthful. He hit the power lines and left a path of wreckage in his wake.
Airplanes flew in and attacked Catzilla with machine guns shooting barnicles. This just made the monster roar louder.
Finally, the fish military knew they had no choice. They launched the scooping net used to deposit dead fish out of the tank. The net hit Catzilla who roared with fury and was flung out of the tank onto dry land once again.
“Our city is saved!” Declared Flipper with a voice that still didn't sync. “But for how long?”

While I was helping my Grandmother clean her attic I was shocked by what I found in a trunk.

“Grandma! Why do you have a cookbook called The Joy of Cannibalism stowed away in the attic?” I ran down the stairs and almost into my grandma who had been sprinting up to the steps.
“Oh! That!” She said looking down at the dusty leather bound volume in my hands. “That's nothing. It's just a prop.”
“A prop?”
“Yes. You know how I used to work in show business?”
“Well I did. And I worked on this one movie that....”
“Grandma, this is awfully detailed for a prop.” I said flipping through the yellow pages. “There's a recipe in here for Leg Lasagnia and another for Backbone Brownies.”
“Well, I don't know sweetie,” my grandmother said. “I haven't looked at that thing in years....”
“But on the title page it says, 'To Grandma, I hope this improves your cooking.' And it's signed by Cousin Mable. 'Christmas 2008.'”
“Yes, well deary,” my Grandmother gently took the book from my hands. “I've get easily confused these days. I can't recall ever seeing that book before. I'm sure it's nothing.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Yes, now come downstairs. I just finished baking some brownies.”

 For the next ones the prompt is in bold

The countdown clock for Christmas was ticking. Santa's elves were working their magic on the assembly lines, but the line came to a screeching halt when rumors leaked that one elf was going to be let go that day.
“WHAT!” Evergreen Jones shrieked at Mistletoe Wilma. “They're firing an elf on Christmas Eve?”
“That's what Noel Nick says,” Wilma whimpered. “Apparently one of the elves has been sneaking 'inappropriate' gifts into the big man's bag.
“Um...inappropriate presents?” Jones mumbled.
“Yeah! Why? You don't know anything about this do you?”
“Well...” Jones shifted his belled feet. “You know that distillery me and Eggnog Nichole started. Well, we haven't gotten that many purchases yet so I thought it might be a good idea to send out free samples to the children of the world.”
“What?” Wilma's pointed ears turned bright red.
“I didn't think it would be labeled 'inappropriate!'”
“What's wrong with you? You'l be exiled from the North Pole and forced to live in Middle Earth with the rest of the elf outcasts.”
“No! Wilma please!” Jones shrieked. “I'll never make it! I'm too pretty! They'll trade me around for pouches of halfling weed!”
“I'm sorry Jones,” Wilma took a step back. “But I'm going to have to turn you in.”
She was about to go when a slender red and white arm grabbed her. A candy cane giant was glaring dow at her. “Mistletoe Wilma!” He boomed. “I have a warrant for your arrest.”
“What? Why?”
“For the distribution of inappropriate presents. Did you really think that Saint Nick wouldn't discover that you were the one building violent video games?”
“But that's not my fault!” Wilma screamed. “All the kids want violent toys this year! Even the girls!”
“That's not what Christmas is about!” The Candy Cane giant placed his gingerbread handcuffs around her wrists and began to lead her away.
He had only gone a few steps when he turned back to Evergreen Jones. “By the way, the big man found out about your little bootlegging operation. We're short on doll houses this year. Make you you produce enough booze to make the children of Europe happy.”
“Uh, yes sir!” Evergreen Jones saluted.
And that boys and girls is the story of how the happiest Christmas in history came to be.

 "What's the worst present you've ever received"

Michael,” my grandmother smiled, “Your birthday present is waiting for you in the garage.”

My heart leapt. It was a sure thing that if my present was in the garage it had to be that new bike I'd been wanting all summer. Grandma, Mom and Dad followed me as I ran out the back door. Grandma grabbed the remote door opener, pointed and pressed.  The garage doors began to lift and my eyes grew wide, eager to see the beautiful red bicycle.

But when they were up all the way up I saw that there was no beautiful bike in the garage. Instead, there was a full grown bengal tiger.

“His name's Ernie!” My grandma squealed. “I found him at the humane society the other day and he needed a home!”

“Oh, my isn't he a darling!” My mom gasped. “Michael, what do you have to say to grandma?”

“Thank you.” I murmured staring at the bengel tiger that paced back and forth glaring at me, licking its chops.

“Would you like to feed it?” Grandma said, pulling a crate out of the back of her pickup truck. I could hear the frantic squeals of a baby pig inside.

“Um, maybe later.” I murmured.

“Michael!” Mom gave me a warning glare.

I opened the crate and threw the pig into the garage. The tiger devoured it ferociously.

“He is so sweet.” My mom cooed.

“He is a handsome animal.” My dad nodded.

Grandma gave me a hug.  “Maybe if you're real good your father will let him sleep with you.”

 "It was half Past Midnight when the paperclips revolted...."

"I was working late in the office when I heard whispering behind me.  I turned around just in time to be blugeoned over the head.
"When I came to I was tied to the floor surrounded by thousands of paperclips.  'The time for revolution is at hand!' they squeaked.  'In the darkness of night we will be the ones clipping you!'  They came in around me and I struggled against my bonds, which were fortunately masking tape, and broke free.
"'ROAWWWWR!' I roared and grabed at the mutinous clips like Godzilla in an unbearably cheap monster movie.  Caught in the moment I gobbled the paper clips whole, devouring their families and crashing through post it note sky scrapers.  Finally, the paper clip empire was no more.
"So, that's why I ate all the paper clips in the office.  Needless to say I have a stomach ache this morning and I won't be in today."

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