Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Two Penny Saga: Mark Silverman's Guide To Picking Up Women

My Friend Jon Rhodes gave me the opening line.  I started writing and this is what I got. 

"... and then I tripped," he said to no one in particular.

Mark looked around the bleachers.  No one watching the high school basketball game had been listening to his story.  He sighed, stood up walked a few rows down until he spotted a cute girl with short black hair.  He sat next to her and said as loudly as he could reasonably manage, “So last Tuesday I was out in my back yard when I saw a white rabbit hopping along in a waistcoat and a top hat-.”

“Silvermen!”  A Josh McDonald smacked Mark in the back of the head and sat between him and the girl.  “Who the hell are you talking too?”

“No one.”  Mark mumbled.  He stood up and walked the rest of the way down the bleachers.  He could feel both of them glaring at the back of his head.      

Ms. Church was standing by the emergency exit.  She was the new biology teacher, less than a year out of college. 

Mark stood as close to her as he could without feeling like a creep.  He looked over at her, smiled and said, “So last Tuesday I was raking leaves in my backyard when I saw a white rabbit hopping along in a waistcoat and a top hat.  It pulled out a bottle of orange soda and said-.”

“Mr. Silverman!”  The vice principal cleared his throat. “Either get back in the bleachers or feel free to leave!”

“Thanks Mr. Glass!”  He gave a big thumbs up and walked out of the gym.

Out in the parking lot, Mark spotted Mrs. Lake, his best friend’s mom, smoking a cigarette by her car.  She had to be in forties but still had a great body.  It was also kind of hot that she was rebellious enough to smoke on school property.

“Hey!  Mrs. Lake!”  He ran over to her.  “Did I tell you about the time I was out in my yard raking leaves and I spotted a rabbit in a waistcoat and a top hat and it was hopping along and pulled out a bottle of orange soda and said, ‘This’ll take care of those vampires in my attic?’  And it was so weird I tripped over a rock!”

Mrs. Lake stared at Mark like she didn’t know if she should laugh or pepper spray him.  She finally decided to get into the car and lock the doors.

Mark turned around.  His big brother had been right.  That really was a terrible story to use when trying to pick up girls.

He was about to walk home by himself when a cute girl with curly brown hair and glasses ran up to him. “That story was so cool!  Do you actually have vampire hunting rabbits in your backyard?”

“Of course!”  Mark said.  “Don’t you?” 

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