“Have you ever heard
a mountain lion scream? It sounds like an opera singer being slowly mutilated
with an axe.”
“How’d you know?”
I pounded away on my Cousin Jerry’s Nintendo DS while lounging on the
side of his dad’s brand new pool.
Jerry didn’t say a word. That was so weird I finally put my game on pause and looked
up at him. He was biting his nails
and staring at the sun.
He finally blurted, “My dad and I caught a bunch of mountain
lions last summer!”
“Dude, if you saw a mountain lion you’d shit your pants so
bad they’d smell it all the way in Chicago.
After that Jerry was quiet long enough for me to get to the
next level. He finally jumped up
and ran for the door. “Come check
this out!”
I put the game on pause and dropped it onto the lawn chair. “Fine! Just to see what a dumb liar you are.”
I followed through the giant house his dad had bought when
he’d become a millionaire overnight.
We reached the basement door and Jerry hissed, “Now you gotta
be real quiet!”
“I sure will!”
I wished I hadn’t left the Nintendo back by the pool.
Jerry opened the door and I was ready to shove him inside
and lock it on his stupid face when I heard the weirdest sound. It sound like….well, to be honest it did
kind of sound like an opera singer getting mutilated with an ax.
We went down into the basement and there was my Uncle Rick
with five cages each holding a half grown mountain lion. Fire was burning under two of the
cages. One of them was attached to
a motor so the cage walls were closing in on the cub and Uncle Rick was jabbing
the last two with pointy sticks.
Needless to say the lion cubs were shrieking right into microphones set
up in front of the cages.
“What’re you doing?”
I shouted.
Uncle Rick jumped up.
“Jerry! What the hell are
you doing?”
“He didn’t believe me about the mountain lions!”
“No one’s supposed to know about the lions. Get the hell out of here!”
“What’s wrong with you?” I shouted, backing away. “Why’re you doing that?”
Uncle Rick took a deep breath. “It’s just how the music industry works, son.”
“Music industry?”
“Where the hell do you think music comes from? I’ve been
torturing animals and selling their screams to wanna be composures years.”
“It’s sick!”
“All the greats got their ideas from the sounds cute animals
make when they’re tortured. Opera is
completely based on lions screaming.
Blue Grass comes from squirrels being skinned alive. Disco would have never happened if it
weren’t for puppies being skewered on a stake!”
“I thought that was heavy metal!” Jeremy scratched his head.
“Ironically that’s the only genre of music that has never
been influenced by the sounds of dying animals.” He walked toward me.
“It’s just the way the world works, son. I’m sorry but you can’t-.”
I ran for the door, sprinted past the pool and jumped the
fence. I didn’t stop running until
I got back to our trailer. I tried
to tell my mom about it but she just yelled at me to be quiet. She yelled at me when I tried to call
the police.
Tonight I’m heading back to Uncle Rick’s house and I’m going
to free those lions. I don’t care
if that’s how the world works.
Everyone complains about what a little jerk I am but even I know that’s
not right.
Awesome! Glad I could help. :)
ReplyDeleteDude, you more than help. You inspire!
ReplyDelete